Pregnancy: my thoughts so far

You know your life is changing when you get all excited about a Fuzzibunz cloth diaper sale on Zulily, like I did this morning (and bought 6 of them!). Even the fact that I know what Zulily is and have a membership is a sign that my life is changing. Oy.
I've always wanted to be a mother... I've loved babies and children since I was one myself. I've never been enamored about pregnancy though - I would have been quite happy if someone just dropped a newborn in my lap (kind of like the stork story we tell children). Truthfully, though, this pregnancy hasn't been so bad thus far. I've been blessed with an easy one. I hardly got any morning sickness, just felt a little queasy on and off through the first few weeks. The second trimester has been picture perfect, with the few usual aches and pains here and there. Baby boy is growing healthily and I've gained around 3 or 4 pounds so far at 20 weeks. Halfway there! The baby bump is getting more and more noticeable.
I think the best part about pregnancy so far is feeling baby boy move around inside me. I started feeling little flutters at 14.5 weeks, and they've been getting stronger ever since. These days it feels like he hardly ever stops moving, flipping, kicking and jabbing. Before I was pregnant I thought it would be really weird to have a baby moving around inside me, like a little alien or something. But now that it's happened to me, I can hardly remember why I thought it would be weird. It is kind of a funny feeling to be kicked from the inside, but it just feels right and normal and reassuring instead of weird. It's fun to wonder if that was an arm or a leg or a head or a little butt poking me. I feel like baby and I can sort of communicate now. If I hunch over when I'm sitting, he protests the lack of space and kicks and wriggles until I straighten up. If I poke my belly I usually get a reaction from him. When I lie down he gets active, and when I get up and walk around he calms down.
It's hard to imagine another whole 20 weeks of pregnancy until baby boy is born. I realize he needs to grow and mature more but I kind of wish the human gestational period was shorter. I want to meet this little fellow! I know I'm supposed to slow down and enjoy these last couple of months without a baby to take care of, but it's hard not to be a little impatient. It's also hard to comprehend how much larger my belly is going to get to accommodate baby boy - yikes.
I haven't thought too much about labor and delivery yet, except to research and choose to have a natural birth at a birthing center with Certified Nurse Midwives (CNM). It's been the best decision I've made yet this pregnancy. [If you haven't watched the documentary "The Business of Being Born" you should do so! It's online streaming on Netflix]. I did like my OB-GYN, but I felt like I never knew what was going on and I was never told what the various blood tests etc. that they did were actually for. I didn't feel comfortable to ask all the questions I wanted to ask. I also strongly dislike hospitals... I used to have panic attacks when I was little whenever I had to go into a hospital. I knew that if I went into labor and went to a hospital, my body would shut down and labor wouldn't progress properly because I would be so uncomfortable with being in a hospital. So I did some research and found a lovely birthing center (which is very close to Baylor hospital in case of emergencies) and transferred my prenatal care to the CNM's there. The center is in a big lovely old colonial-style house, infinitely more comfortable and welcoming than a hospital. The CNM's are personable and truly interested in answering all of my questions and making sure that baby and I get the best care possible.
We've signed up for Bradley method childbirth classes (which prepare you for natural childbirth without drugs) with an experienced doula, who is apparently the best in Dallas. They start on October 29th, so then I'll really have to start thinking about labor and delivery. For now I'm enjoying being blissfully ignorant, and just thinking positive thoughts like "My labor and delivery is going to be smooth and fast and the pain will be manageable and totally worth it in the end". Haha.

Oy.

I'm really am pregnant.

Those pee-on-a-stick pregnancy tests are obviously very accurate, but nothing compares to the doctor's office calling to give you the results of your blood tests, which resoundingly say I'm pregnant.

I had my first blood test on Tuesday. Blood tests are fairly traumatic for me... I've had bad experiences with them since I was a little girl. I've fainted twice and I come close to fainting every time. I was nervous because my husband couldn't come with me and I would have to drive myself home afterwards. I ate lunch just before I went to keep my blood sugar up, and I drank LOTS of water all day long to keep my blood volume up. Both of these tactics worked... and I told the technician I would need to lie down for the test because I'm a fainter. The blood test was over in about 5 seconds. I stayed lying down for a couple of minutes just in case and got up slowly and I was fine. I got a fairly bad bruise at the site of the blood test, though.

On Wednesday the doctor's office called and told me my progesterone level was 18.5, which was very good. Apparently they want it to be at least 11. My HCG (or beta) level was 253. I asked if this gave them an idea of how far along I was, and the nurse who called said if she had to guess she would put me around 5 weeks, which is what I was thinking.

I had another blood test on Thursday to make sure my HCG levels were going up. The nurse told me they like to see them about double every 48 hours. This blood test was worse, for some reason. The technician put the rubber band/tourniquet around my arm, then got a phone call and left for a few minutes. By the time she got back, my arm was throbbing. She did the test on my left arm, since the first blood test had bruised my right arm, and she did it on the outer part of my elbow crease because apparently that's less prone to bruising. This time around I could feel the needle going in and coming out, and it took longer (maybe my blood volume wasn't as high as the first time?). Whatever the case, I felt pretty shaky when it was over and had to stay lying down for a while and then get up really slowly.

Ah, the trials I am already going through for you, Baby Appleseed! I am fully aware that there are much scarier things (ummm, LABOR!?) to come, but we'll take it step by step.

Blood test battle wounds. Bruise on my right arm, bandaid on my left.

The doctors office called yesterday (Friday) and told me that my HCG/beta level had gone up to 668. It more than doubled, and the nurse said that was very good. We set my first ultrasound appointment for the 29th of June. I can't wait to see Baby Appleseed and hear his/her heartbeat!

Little outfits that the hubby and I got to take pictures with :)

I can hardly believe it.

Honestly, it still has not sunk in that I'm pregnant. Apart from the constant need to pee, and the occasional twinge of queasiness [yup, that started yesterday... oh joy], I have to keep repeating to myself over and over "I'm pregnant"... "I'm having a baby"... "There's a baby inside me right now" and so on.

Having a baby was just so far from our thoughts and plans right now that I think it will take a while to register that, oh my goodness, in less the 9 months we will actually HAVE a baby. It's incredible to me how two tiny cells (the sperm and the egg, for those of you who didn't pay attention in biology) can meet and then within 40 weeks grow to a fully formed, complex human baby. My baby is only the size of an appleseed this week, but even that is amazing... in the span of maybe three weeks, two microscopic cells collided and developed into a tiny appleseed baby that is already developing major organs like the heart, liver, kidneys, and the nervous, circulatory, and digestive systems.

My mind is constantly racing, jumping from one thought to another... one minute I'll be thinking up fun ways to tell people we're pregnant, and the next I'll be worrying about where we're going to live, then I'll be dreaming up cute outfits and wondering if Baby Appleseed will be a boy or a girl, and then I'll be wondering what the next 8 months of pregnancy are going to be like. It's a miracle that I ever manage to fall asleep. But then again, I am so tired that falling asleep is not really a problem.

* Yawn * speaking of sleeping...